Where My Head Is At

The first available appointment the oncologist has is Tuesday morning, 9am. That seems like an eternity to me. I asked them to call me if there are any cancellations

I packed Bear up this morning and drove to my parents house, so I could have that hug my Mom said she wanted to give me. When she did, we both just sat there and hugged and cried. Bear didn't seem like his normal self over there either, he seemed very lethargic, and Mom straight off said that Bear didn't have his normal smile. And he doesn't. He either sleeps and just lays there and looks at me. He didn't even follow me around from room to room like he normally does when we are over there. Before we left, Mom said good-bye to him. My Dad wouldn't.

Even here at home, he isn't acting like himself. It's becoming obvious he's sick now.

I have to go back to work tomorrow morning. I don't want to, as all I want to do is spend every waking moment with Bear, and I am afraid not to be with him every second. I wish I could take him with me to the office, but I can't. I will be dog-sitting for a friend for the next 10 days, starting tomorrow afternoon, and I can't back out now, and again, the thought of being away from Bear that longs tears me apart. So I am going to take him and hope he and the girls I am watching can get along, so he can stay with me.